I seem to recall saying that I wouldn't play Mass Effect again. Well, the sequel has been getting ridiculously good reviews, and I am aching to play it. But! I know that the moment I buy it, it'll get a crazy Steam sale, because that's just how things work. So I decided to try a fresh start in the first game. And I'm glad I did - but a few hours into it, I think I've had enough.

Last time, I played as an Infiltrator class: a tech/weapons hybrid, which I really just chose for the sniper rifle specialization. This time I tried the Vanguard, a biotic/weapons hybrid, and really the biggest difference is that I miss my sniper rifle. Biotic skills are neat, but I'd much rather order my party members to use them, and stick to shooting for myself. I'm pretty sure my ideal ME1 class would have been the Soldier. I've read that the classes in ME2 are much more diverse and interesting, and frankly, that doesn't sound like a very tall order.

Another thing I changed this time, knowing the limitations of the game's decision-making aspects, was to force my character to be as obnoxious and risky as possible - that is, just selecting the bottom-right conversation option all the time. Basically, I made Space Bitch Shepard. And in contrast to the let-down of trying a new class, I was actually quite pleased with the results of this, both for the item rewards and for the hilarious dialog that ensued.

There were a few other things I did differently by accident. For instance, Click to read spoiler

I talked to the C-Sec drunk in Chora's Den before shooting the place up - and found out that Captain Anderson was going to be the first human Spectre. Whoa!

Doing some Citadel bullshit in a different order resulted in content I'd completely missed last time.

That last part - knowing that there's so much of the game lore that I happened to miss (not to mention all the side-quests I never did) - is the reason I'd really consider playing the game again. But, most of the game is still no different, and I'm not very excited by the prospect of trudging through all of it again. I'd like to just load up my old save and go do some side-quests, but of course, I can't do that because I'm saved way past a point of no return. Nuts.

Anyway, I learned a lot about the depth and breadth of the Mass Effect mythos, and I'm more excited than ever to play Mass Effect 2. And as for the sequel's consequences to decisions I made in the first game? Well, thank Gunpei for downloadable save files.

This has some pretty strong buzz surrounding it, so I had to give the demo a whirl. After all, dumb gimmicky Flash games can be a fun afternoon-waster.

A few minutes later, I'd decided: VVVVVV is brilliant.

I didn't even finish the demo, but I'm hooked already. The game mechanics are simple, so it's incredibly fast to get into - but challenging in the levels' somewhat-evil difficulty. And yet, it never feels frustrating, because of the exceedingly generous checkpoint system. A single challenge may take several tries and several deaths, but at least in the demo, I never had to repeat a sequence so long that I'd call it bullshit.

Of course, I'd be lying if I said the presentation had nothing to do with the game's charm. The blocky retro graphics and simple character emotions (your guy frowns when he dies) are adorable, and the high-energy chiptune music perfectly suits the game action.

The appeal of the game has a lot in common with Braid, which is a very good thing.

I am constantly impressed. Like Feel the Magic, this game is essentially a narrative where cutscenes are turned into interactive minigames using 'innovative' controls. Except it's made by Squareenix, and the cutscenes, writing, 'acting' (both voice and CGI faces) are all top notch. This doesn't feel like a incomprehensible melodramtic Final Fantasy game, so much as it feels like a modern comic book movie. The characters are very grounded, super powers are used symbolically and explained thoroughly. It feels a lot like the X-Men or Spiderman movies, though set in the Crystal Chronicles world.

Even though there is a main engine, it takes a back seat to the minigames. Even combat itself feels like a minigame. There aren't random battles so much as fixed set pieces with battles that happen on them. Miasma streams will fill areas with a specific mix of monsters (who are intended to react to each other, for example, skeleton monsters are paired with wolfs because they'll react to bones, etc.) and you can defeat all the monsters by the time limit and seal the Miasma portal.

If you can kill all the monsters and seal the Miasma portal before the time runs out, you'll be rewarded with a new unit on your life bar (which only comes into play during battles) and if you ignore it, you'll get nothing and be weaker at the next battle. Also, if you fail to customize yourself and make your attack stronger, you wont be able to kill all the monsters before the time limit which results in lower HP.

But, weirdly, I feel like I'm halfway through the game and have only been in maybe five battles. There has also only been one boss battle and it was pretty cool, albiet one-note. But the battles are not the focus--there have been more minigames than battles so far. I know the word "minigame" carries a stigma, but the minigames are mostly really fun.

This game is kind of like Luigi's mansion in that it's short enough to be replayed a bunch of times to get a better score. But rather than an overall score, you have individual scores for each minigame, and you have a ton of achievements to unlock. The long term replayability would be replaying the 10ish hour story maybe 3 or 4 times and try to get all of the achievements. There is no way to replay a lot of the minigames, they are all very story specific.

I say 'minigame' but they feel more like interactive cutscenes. For example, there's a scene where Layle is trying to sneak from one end of a train to the other, unnoticed by guards. The music is cool, Layle's voice acting and expressions are cool (he does the shifty eyes thing pretty convincingly) and the general ambiance of the scene is cool. As a player, you monitor the food carts and guards and flick the remote in the right direction when you want Layle to move. Layle will roll under seats and hide against the rafters while guards whistle obliviously and passengers and Moogles look at him confusedly. While this isn't innovative in a gameplay sense, it feels like something I've never done before.

HP is only ever used in battles, and your penalty for failure in minigames is either having to start over or failure to get an achievement. The win/loss state for non-minigame/non-battle portions (ie, walking around) is money and items. You can find new items and money by breaking shit, tossing NPCs around, and buying at shops. But you can also lose money if you get attacked by a guard or if you send something flying into yourself. Also, at one point I was on a museum (which featured 3D models of Crystal Chalices and gate keys and other trinkets from previous games in the series) and my little brother (co-op) broke a vase, and a librarian Moogle made my gil counter go into the negative thousands, so I panicked and reset before it could auto-save.

Everything is a minigame. Every single area has some kind of minigame element to it, even small areas. For example, there was one area where a Moogle couldn't open his store because he lost the key to his briefcase. The key was hidden in the sand, and you could pick it up, but you can't carry things with gravity magic while swimming, so you couldn't take it to him. So you had to use your powers to pick it up and then throw it at him, and it would clock him in the head and he'd be confused and then open his case and set up shop. Then you could buy items there that were so far unobtainable.

The game makes sure that Layle is a rebel, and will often only allow you to do things the "Layle way" even if there's an obvious normal way to do it. There's not really a 'talk' or 'examine' button. If you want to interact with a person, you have to pick them up and throw them. If you want to open a door, you have to tear it down. Layle doesn't give a fuck, and the game doesn't allow you to give a fuck, and that's kind of cool.

In terms of story, it's... Really good. It does everything right, and nothing wrong. The character models are surprisingly emotive (but never emo) and the voice actors are very talented. This is a story where glances and tones mean a lot. One of the recurring themes is that pretty much everyone hates Layle and is using him (and his powers) as a means to an end, and he's aware of it, but he doesn't use it as an excuse to act immature.

Crystal Bearer or otherwise, a large focus of the story is about those who live on the fringes of society--minorities, outlaws, dangerous individuals, political descentors, anyone who dares to change the existing system, etc. No one is painted as a bad guy, not even 'the system' itself. While it definitely seems unfair that the Lilties rule, the Yukes are dead, Clavats are the ruled and Selkies are outsiders, no one is whining about it. Characters either accept their role in society or are actively working to improve it, but no one is being annoying about it, which is rare and refreshing in a Square game.

The story is basically about about 7 or 8 strong-willed individuals trying to live their lives in an unfair society, even if it means clashing with each other. You're never sure who you're supposed to root for and you're basically rooting for everyone.

It's good to be back in Vice City. The weather, the music, the straightforward game map - it's nice.

I've only just started in Vice City Stories, but I have to say I'm surprised by the vacuousness of the game's plot. I expected something lighter than San Andreas, since this debuted on a system with basically no battery life; but between the low-key story scenes and the characters all having multiple-personality disorder, it's a GTA3-caliber narrative, which is a little sad.

Other than that I don't have much to go on yet. But I am looking forward to this game's big feature: empire building, which as far as I know, is like a combination of gang warfare from San Andreas and property ownership from Vice City. F'in sweet.

With God of War III's hype train about to arrive at the station, I still haven't taken sides: do I think the series is improving over time, or that it peaked in the first installment? Well, I had to play the second game to find out - and an hour or two in, I'm of the opinion that I really don't care.

God of War II didn't take long to remind me of what I liked and didn't like about the original. The cinematic presentation, while sometimes a little cheesy (taking liberties with Greek mythology will do that), is overall awe-inspiring and impressive - both in story sequences and in gameplay. And the puzzles, when they arise, are surprisingly stimulating and satisfying. But platforming actions are dreadful: having to do precise jumps with a cinematic camera is stupid. The combat can get pretty boring. And quick-time events are more frustrating than fun.

I enjoyed most of my time with the first game back in 20-aught-7. But now, three years on, the God of War kill-em-up formula has been done to death and I am absolutely tired of it. So while I am interested in the plot and puzzles, and wowed by the presentation, God of War II's core gameplay - painting the floor with soldier/demon blood - is a real turn-off. Seeing as this dominates the running time of the game, it's difficult for me to stay motivated.

I've resolved to simply watch other people play the game on YouTube. And, I'll probably do the same for the third game.

Meh.

The final boss fight was a bit frustrating for a few reasons, and the ending was a little short on closure. But, I'm over it. As for the endgame? Other than a higher difficulty mode (in which the tutorial boss very nearly murdered me), I haven't found anything yet, although I'm hopeful that there are some hidden unlocks still waiting to be revealed.

Basically, Desperate Struggle takes No More Heroes and removes the following:

- Free-roaming overworld
- 3D minigames
- Repeatable side-jobs where you slaughter chumps

Then adds:

+ More fights
+ Cooler beam swords
+ 2D NES-style minigames
+ Two missions where you play as Shinobu
+ A fight where you play as Henry
+ Hilarious breast physics
+ Tiger mode
+ An astronaut A cosmonaut

NMH2 does not have the shock value that NMH did, because it mostly treads the same ground (mechanically, anyway; the first game did not have any astronauts cosmonauts). But while it may not be a wholly new experience, it is much more refined; especially as regards the side jobs, which have become fun enough to rival the fighting part of the game. The sequel's highs are not much higher than the original's, but the lows have been addressed with a vengeance.

If Quentin Tarantino ever made a Pulp Fiction 2, I bet it would turn out something like this.

Better than: No More Heroes
Not as good as: Super Mario Galaxy? I can't think of a better game like it
There is a new girl like Holly Summers: her name is Alice, and she is pretty

My grievances so far:

- Part of the charm of No More Heroes was that it was entirely fresh and new. Inevitably, an iterative sequel loses that feeling. There is no way this could have been avoided, but, I wanted to mention it.

- There are fewer side-missions involving wanton killing, and they are not repeatable. The new NES-style jobs are way better than the ones from the first game - you'll actually want to replay these! - but I do miss endlessly-repeatable murdering.

- The game sets you up to believe that you may be killing 51 assassins. This, in fact, is the game pulling a "Suda" on you. Swaths of the chart are skipped, in one form or another. There are still considerably more fights than in the original, but! just don't get your hopes up for fifty of them. It's only one game disc.

- I really, really want this game to be in high-definition. The visual style is amazing. At a higher resolution, I imagine it would be absolutely incredible.

- Compared to the first game's assassins, I feel like this one's are more interesting, but less verbose - they frequently leave me wanting more. I guess, really, this isn't much of a grievance.

- There is a level where you can jump, and it shows how terrible the camera can be during rapid movement.

- I miss Holly Summers.

But these are all minor nitpicks, relative to the good in Desperate Struggle. In so many words, it takes what was good about No More Heroes, removes most of what was not-so-good, and adds even more good.

What I'm saying is, this game is really good.

Yes.

There are three aspects of Desperate Struggle to consider.

1) Fighting! It's, uh, like No More Heroes - same ideas, but more refined. I just got a beam sword that can stretch across the room. Sweet.

2) Not fighting! The somewhat-tiring overworld from the first game is just a map screen, now. And you probably know that the minigames have become retro-themed throwbacks. Also, you can play with a cat.

3) Writing! The first game was over the top, and this one is over that. Half the lines sound straight from a Tarantino movie.

"People deal with grief in different ways. Some people fuck at funerals. I cut off heads."

God damn it.

I was somewhat into the game as it continued to introduce new weapons and new enemies. But eventually it just got ... stupid. The seventh level ended with a gauntlet sequence I retried a jillion times, which really brought my attention to the shortcomings of the level design (it looks like a cover-based shooter, but there's no good way to take cover!), and the utter lunacy of how many enemy weapons can kill or almost-kill you in a single shot.

The eighth level started with more of that. And afterward, was made up of faceless rooms and halls that were definitely designed with Halo's endless corridors section in mind. In fact, between the sound effects, the shitty characters, the enemy types, and some of these level designs, I've become convinced that The Conduit is really just a homage to the first Halo. But worse.

The ninth, and final, level is another gauntlet. In the first room of this level, there are a dozen enemies, each of whom has more health and does more damage than you do. At this point I completely lost patience, and dropped it down to easy mode. Fucking hell - I just wanted to be done with it.

These late game frustrations completely obliterated the ambivalence I had for The Conduit earlier. Why didn't this campaign turn out better? It could have; it should have. All the pieces are here. It just needed competent design - or, to be fair, design in the final levels as competent as in the first few. Enemy gauntlets are a completely transparent attempt to conceal uninteresting environments and a lack of compelling mission goals. I admire High Voltage's tech prowess in getting this thing running, and the control flexibility is seriously impressive, but that's a far cry from having a fun game.

If you have the chance, play the first two levels (the second is the best) and just stop. It's fun to try, but the rest of the game isn't really worth it.

Also, The Conduit is the only Wii game I know of that doesn't pause when the remote turns off. I found this out the hard way.

Better than: Eat Lead: The Return of Matt Hazard
Not as good as: Halo: Combat Evolved
The online multiplayer might be fun: but that's not why you have a Wii, is it?

The controls are, yes, certainly good. It took me a bit to get back in the hang of Wii-FPSing, but the customizable sensitivity and dead zone and everything helped out. (Although to be honest, I ended up going mostly with defaults, because it's easy to screw up the settings.)

Other than that, though, The Conduit doesn't really have ... anything going for it. The story is hackneyed and poorly written. The level design is generally uninspired. The All-Seeing Eye, the game's "gimmick" as it were, is more annoying than fascinating; having to stop to set off invisible mines, and search around a room for hidden locks, really slows the game down.

The shooting is good, but not great - there's plenty of variety in the weapons, although a lot of them are basically useless for one reason or another (there's a handgun that one-shot kills almost anything, but it can only carry 16 bullets!). Though there are a lot of kinds of enemies, almost all of the baddies I've encountered have been humans or human-sized aliens. With the exception of these little red suicidal-exploding fuckers, who are responsible for about 90% of my deaths.

Also, I'm almost certain that the enemy sound effects are direct rips from Halo.

It's pretty short - I'm over halfway through in one sitting - but that's probably a good thing. The mechanics are solid, but by and large the game just comes across as bland.